My heart hurts. I’m so sad. My brain is confused. I’m so scared. What in the hell is going on? Year after year, month after month, day after day, people who look like me continue to die under unusual and often times fishy circumstances, and lately at the hands of law enforcement. The very people I’ve been taught to ask for help since I was a little girl. Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, Freddie Gray-–and these are just the ones who made the news. There are many, many more. It’s becoming to common to see these men killed by police, the police sent on administrative paid leave, and then there is a big media frenzy with iffy photos of the victim a and fake ass grand jury trial, before everything just stops getting talked about until the next tragedy strikes. For a while, I was really concerned, about black men. My daddy. My sick grandfather. My male cousins. I was scared for them, but I prayed for their safety and was secretly glad that tragedy hadn’t hit closer to home. It seemed like it was hunting season and that black men were open targets. Then women started dying too. Tanesha Anderson, Rekia Boyd, Aiyanna Jones (who was only seven), and now Sandra Bland. There are many more, just google “black women killed by police” and stories about women who never made CNN will pop up.
Up until this point, I hadn’t written any thing racially sensitive on my blog. I would tweet and share on Facebook, but I never wrote about. I can’t be silent here any longer. Using my biggest platform, I have to say something. This is too close to home. And this really could have been me. I live 45 minutes away from Waller County, Texas. I to have driven those small town streets to go to Prairie View A&M Homecoming and other college parties, to get my hair done, and I used to drive through to drop my sister off at her junior college, an hour and half further down. I have witnessed police in Prairie View be overly excessive and just down right rude. I try to be on my best behavior while driving in that town because I always felt like if I went to jail there, I might not make it out. This has proved true for Sandra.
Yes, I’ve seen the dash cam footage. I’ve read all the news articles. I’ve watched that shady video inside of the jail. And I’ve read every conspiracy theory on social media. I watched the autopsy press conference, where officials confirm that she died by hanging herself. I can’t believe it. I won’t believe it. The details up until this point are just to damn murky. Her arrest was wrongful and unjust, I don’t care what anyone says. Her behavior was not perfect, but I have seen and heard worse encounters, where the person pulled over was either let go or taken to jail without all of the hoopla. She should have never been in jail, she should have been given her warning/ticket and let go.
This story frightens me more than I can put in words. And what frightens me even more, is that some people think this is okay. People are making excuses for the officer, because Sandy was outspoken. When you know your rights and you know the way you should be treated, emotions will run high, expletives will be used. That in no way means that you should be abused by law enforcement. The police officer was wrong. His arrest was unlawful and unjust and he needs to be dealt with within the confines of the law. Waller County, the very last county in the entire US to abolish slavery, has a long long long history of racism and I refuse to believe this lady, with such a bright future, even when facing a felony, killed herself. I will not be silent about this. I will keep speaking about it. Silence is killing black people. #BlackLivesMatter and police brutality and misconduct is rampant lately and will continue to be vocal about it and work in my community to bring awareness and accountability towards the issue.
Sandra and I were similar in many ways, both young black professionals striving for greatness, both from large families, both outspoken about racial injustice and injustice in general. Sandra said in a video a couple of months ago that she struggled with depression and PTSD. I too have shared my story about feelings of depression. This is why I feel such an eerie connection to her and why I’m legitimately scared.There have been many rude and uneducated people who assume that just because she shared that with her followers, she had to have been suicidal. Newsflash everyone who is depressed is not suicidal and everyone who is suicidal is not depressed.
Sandra Bland was a person. She was not treated as such. She was not given adequate care in jail. She is now dead. All of this is not making sense to me. I want answers.
Let this be known for sure. If I were to EVER die while in police custody. I did not commit suicide.
